C'est n'est pas une blog

back in the saddle?

Back at the pub again.  Haven't been here in ages, but after the first five minutes of "where have you been," and "the prodigal son returns," it was if I never left.  At least some things remain.

I only went because, well, I just needed to go somewhere...anywhere where there were people who say hello, and were friendly.  And the free drinks keep appearing in front of me.  And the shots - you can't forget the shots.

And she was right...evidently i'm somewhat attractive...there seem to be more woman than usual approaching me...must be that scent of despiration.  I haven't made the leap of going home with one yet, but I did let one pick up my tab there, and at the next bar...and buy me dinner.  I felt a little guilty at the end of the evening as I walked away, but not too much.

And there are the games I can play to amuse myself.  Tonight I won't pay for anything...either someone else will pay for drinks and dinner, or I'll take the emergency exit.  I guess sometimes I just need to know I still have the talent.

That, and calling the people in my address book...trying to at least pretend I have friends.  Unfortunately, it ends up like a bad retelling of that scene in The Matador - where he realizes it's his birthday and starts dialing.  And no one really wants to hear from him.

And who would want to hear from me?

I managed to make it home from the pub now, free tab, although I had 3-4 beers and 4-5 shots...I'm thinking a little music and then back out, into the breach.

...

Yes..you ask...the tab was taken care of.  The dinner, well, that is to be delivered...so I assume I will have to spend the balance of the evening fending off advances.  It happens.  I developed it pretty well by now, although, left alone like this I can't think of why I should resist.  I wait and wait, for love, although the rational reason eludes me.

Rational reason really has little part in it, though.

sake, part x...

"Watch out for that fucker..."

H.S.T.

For some reason, that line is sticking with me.  I was kind of hoping that fucker was me, but I really don't have the energy for a screed tonight.  Trying a little sake (well, maybe a lot) and perhaps that will boost my energy.

just another day/night/whatever...

Not really sure where this post is going to go.  Sometimes that's the best way.

Anyway...you know how sometimes a small event can trigger a larger reflection?  Maybe that's not the right way to put it. 

Anyway...so, the simple start.  The car breaks down.  I call a few friends.  Four or five if I recall correctly. (fn. 1 I'll admit, I had a couple of pints before the incident)  Not one of them offered to help.  I walked the few miles home, and it really didn't strike me until later.  I had helped each of them time and time again, without even being asked. 

And then you start to wonder...are they really friends?  I don't have many to begin with, so it's a bit harder for me to get rid of them.

Fuck it, I'm already bored with this story...

one step forward, two steps back...

Yes, I guess I'm officially back.  Drinks all around, and smoke 'em if you got 'em.  I was going to have an orange for breakfast, but then I saw the Oranjeboom sitting next to it and thought that might hit the spot better.  What I've been trying hasn't worked, so I might as well go back to what was.

That brings me to the first song for the day.

The Replacements - Beer for Breakfast.   And lunch and dinner while we're at it.  "Honey, well I'm broke, But I'm gonna pay from some rum."  Not really much to the song but a couple of cords and a philosophy.  Still, it's nice, catchy, and manages to include the line "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas."  Why not?

I'll pause for a moment here to finish off the Oranjeboom (reminds me of Amsterdam) and reframe my frame of reference.

...

That one's down and kicking in.   Wondering whether it's too early for tequila, I realize that it isn't in Amsterdam.   I'll just imagine I'm there today, and presto/chango it's all okay.  Tequila it is then.  Luckily there are plenty of lemons around the house, and ice to boot.

Next up is my current high rotation band - The Hold Steady. 

The Hold Steady - Hot Soft Light.   What can I say?  I love this band, and if you haven't heard them yet, do so.  You can even get a sample for free at their website, www.theholdsteady.com.  My favorite album of the moment is "The Hold Steady Almost Killed Me", but today's selection comes from their more recent "Boys and Girls in America."  Their sound invokes Thin Lizzy, Bruce Springsteen, et al.  I'll admit, however, that I can't stand "The Boss."  What sets The Hold Steady apart is the lyrics.  For example:

"it started recreational.
it ended kinda medical.
it came on hot and soft and then
it tightened up its tentacles.
the band played screaming for vengance
and we agreed. this world is mostly manacled.
it started ice cream social nice.
it ended up all white and ecumenical."

You know from my previous incomprehensible ramblings that I'm a sucker for a clever rhyme.  Besides, aren't we all manacled to our inevitable urge to return to the familiar upon a failure?  It's always easier to drift back than push forward, or at least it feels that way.

Time for another beer and shot, I think I'm approaching it.

...

Pass the dust, I think I'm Bowie...yes, on to the next selection.

Black Randy and the Metro Squad - I Slept in an Arcade.  It's hard to describe Black Randy and the Metro Squad, and you'll probably never hear them.  Although I usually try not to talk about music that is unavailable, it's hard to resist this "band."  Sample  lyric:

"I wore fine clothes ad drank mixed drinks
I watched the pope fight Leon Spinks
Joe's old nip mama was my maid
Flat Face poured amyl like lemonade."

The album (Pass the Dust, I think I'm Bowie, Dangerhouse Records, 1979) contains such classics as Barefootin' on the Wicked Picket, Down at the Laundrymat, and Marlon Brando) will likely never be released on CD, so your only chance will be to meet someone who still has an old copy on vinyl.  And I doubt that will happen, so you should probably just forget this mention.

...fini

Another beautiful day, the sun out, sitting on the back patio listing to some Style Council and drinking an iced tea.  Alas, my run here has ended.  It's time to say goodbye, and wish you a pleasant life without this darkness.

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